Posts from May, 2009
The following excerpt is from James Parker’s short piece about SpongeBob SquarePants in the June Atlantic, which was a very fun thing to read and also contains the happiest turn of phrase** I’ve read in months.
Contained in this nine-minute skit is the complete DNA of SpongeBob’s rise to power. His industrial ardor, his outrageous spatula skills, the terrible, idiotic brightness of his eyes. The atmosphere at the Krusty Krab has the monochrome tint of a Gen X workplace satire, a Clerks or an Office Space; Mr. Krabs cackles over his money, while Squidward, the tentacled sourpuss at the register, droops with ennui. But SpongeBob’s professional life is rainbow-colored. More than an adventure, it is a romance. “What is taking you so long?!” complains Squidward, head through the hatch, in an episode called “The Original Fry Cook.” “I’m adding the love!” says SpongeBob happily, squirting a little valentine of ketchup onto his latest Krabby Patty. Take that, Karl Marx!
*My husband would say that this title is a great example of Jessica Humor – in other words, non-jokes that are not really humorous (to anyone but me). I really like ketchup, or more specifically, Heinz ketchup, which contains the perfect amount of umami (the magic savory-tasting stuff) which makes Heinz kind of addictive and which also makes other ketchups suck in comparison. Anyway, now you can see that this is only mildly related to the subject above, and had I not taken the time to bore you with an explanation, you would’ve been all “Umami, wtf?” -End Jessicism-
**”…squirting a little valentine of ketchup…”
I kid. Rwanda is gorgeous – both the land of a thousand hills and the people of a thousand smiles. And while I did bring back a few traditional Rwandan baskets (agaseke), it’s hard to fully communicate what I brought back in terms of love. Having never seen Africa before, I never physically understood – we are really all the same.
This experience was broadening, emotional, and maybe intellectually troubling. Working with really bright students in the middle of Africa and then seeing the world around them – outside the fence – was something that changed a little piece of me. And based on the way I feel right now, I hope that change is forever.
Five Things I’m Going to do Today
1. Breathe something like 20,000 times. What? This is totally a to-do list item (for me and every other allergy-addled sucker in this supposedly concrete city).
2. Reap the benefits of having prepped this recipe last night, which means I only have to cook one thing tonight.
3. One hundred swings. (This video is for all the lonely men out there.)
4. Take one hundred photographs, and totally unrelated, pay two bills.
5. Drink 144 ounces of water and swallow between four and seven pills.
You are now duly enthralled.
If this website weren’t called jessicaalfieri.com, you would be reading an interesting story instead of this cryptic nonstarter.