Posts from August, 2011
I left the house this morning and found that my neighbor, who’s deep into the purge-and-move process, had created the saddest little vignette on the sidewalk. Buzz and Woody’s nightmare come alive — this time, the urban version.
Where the street toughs of Park Slope (the toddlers) don’t take naptime for an answer.
Good luck, boys! I’d say you could come live at my place, but you’ve been on the street now.
UPDATE: I have now heard three separate groups of people come by and marvel at the real-life Toy Story.
…Piers Morgan here. Calm and quiet reason in the face of a tantrum.
Also, this one’s got a wink disorder, I think.
Our fifth anniversary is next Friday, so today I did my annual google search for “traditional wedding anniversary gift”. And… 5 = wood.
THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID.
Seriously, wood? Paper and cotton, those were cute. Leather and flowers I don’t really remember. Next year’s is especially amusing: candy OR iron. I’d love to know how this evolved. How is iron an alternative to candy?? Even if they meant an iron, not just something iron, how is that going to produce anything close to the reaction candy might? Eric, listen up: CANDY. Not iron. (Unless it’s the wrought-iron gate attached to a brownstone on 3rd Street.)
Following that, we have another great pairing: wool OR copper. Then bronze OR pottery. Sounds like someone’s having a statue commissioned…
Ninth you only get one option: pottery. So if you’re smart, you’re re-gifting eighth anniversary pottery.
From there things start to make sense again. For your tenth, you solidify your love with the strongest of all metals: steel, er, tin? Okay, then eleventh is steel. Twelfth, you need something soft, so silk or linen. Then lace. Then ivory. Then crystal. Then china. (Not China. Though China would be ambitious of you.) Finally, things start to look up. You completely ignore anniversaries twenty-one through twenty-four, celebrating your twenty-fifth with the classic silver. Then skip another four to pearls at your thirtieth. (I think Eric will look dashing in a classic single strand.) Then it’s coral, then ruby, and sapphire, then at fifty years, you do gold. Hellooooo, Rolexes!
Fifty-fifth and sixtieth should really be done with grill embellishment: first emerald, then diamond.
But focusing on year five, I think I should probably go back to Tennessee and pick up a wood carving for Eric, right?
To prove once and for all that you can’t take me anywhere, I went to Tennessee this weekend and broke my toe in the middle of the night.
This has been my summer of awkwardly acquired injuries.