Yes. Thank you, strangers, for your wise, wise wisdom.
First of all, should he be sleeping, ever? If so, should it be at night? Should I keep him in a bassinet or crib or should I let him just sleep in the yard, or the toaster? And when he sleeps, should I just let him sleep as long as he wants, or should I wake him up every fifteen minutes or so for a “baby party” where I give him hard candies and play loud music? Being a new parent is confusing, and there aren’t any books or internets about it, that’s why I have to rely on kind strangers like you.