Jessica Alfieri
writes everything you see here.
Work Out With Me
-
Circling the Drain
There are few greater joys in life than lying prostrate on an exam table, naked but for a hospital gown, with 10 electric stickers and their partner wires hanging from you.
Folks, I’m not yet thirty. I’m mostly not even unhealthy. I don’t eat gluten, and I try not to eat most processed stuff. But there I lay this morning being poked and prodded because I inherited one too many of my father’s lovely traits. (Thanks, Dad!)
We discovered today that my spotty past readings haven’t been a fluke: I have the blood pressure of an ailing sixty year old. So naturally, I needed an EKG. And a followup pulmonary test. And later, my third blood pressure reading of the visit.
Even with the hundred pushup challenge, and the New Yorker-speed walking, and the softball, and the generally being active, and (in the winter) the running, I’m circling the drain. My cholesterol? 257. That’s good for me; it used to hover around 317: FTW!
(I know what you’re thinking. But that’s not the answer: my BMI is a healthy 21.)
So I’ll chalk up having the kind of physical that most people my age won’t expect to see for another ten or fifteen years to plain old bad luck, and I’ll ignore the slow thyroid and my big, bad sinuses, and the bi-monthly migraines and the daily tension headaches.
And next week, when I have to get my blood pressure checked “at least twice,” I’ll smile and pretend I’m being fitted for some kind of fancy Donna Karan-like sleeve-only shirt instead.
(This could be the next big trend, haute designers - go get working on your slirts.)
-
Tweet
→ follow me on Twitter -
Shop
