Jessica Alfieri

writes everything you see here.

• Dictionary

  Feb 2, 2012 tagged as baby, pregnant

  Today my baby-doctor asked me if I knew what a uterus was.  Which was very confusing because a) he was in the process of measuring mine, and b) What?  Who doesn’t know what a uterus is?  He followed that with, “What about womb?”

  “Uh, they’re interchangeable.” I said. “Womb’s the religious version.”

  I didn’t manage to ask him why he was asking me because I was still dizzy from the glucose solution I’d guzzled twenty minutes earlier, which basically tasted like thick, fruitish poison and made my body feel like surely the Mayans were right.

  I imagine he brought it up because one of his dumber patients asked him once, in a voice like Olive Oyl’s, “Hey Doc, what’s my lady business called?”

  
  

• Being Round

  Jan 31, 2012 tagged as baby, pregnant

  The defining characteristic of this pregnancy so far is today’s willingness to wear the socks with multiple holes in them, because I only realized how hole-ridden they are after putting on my pants.

  
  

• Changes

  Dec 15, 2011 tagged as baby

  Everything’s changed at least twice or three times since the time I drafted those “secret learning” notes to myself.  I can walk again without being winded!  (Sort of.)  I can eat.  (And eat and eat.)  Things I never dreamt would hurt, do.  (And don’t stop.)  I fully expect the trend to continue.

  Right now the theme is the impossibility of sleep with hips that ache like they’re slowly breaking off.  It’s like cliff erosion for the body!  And while I toss and turn in our teeny tiny bed, pushing Eric and myself to its outer centimeters, a recent theme has been dreams plagued by the idea that I’ll never go anywhere ever again.  A few nights ago, it had to do with the dentist.  How would I ever see the dentist again?  I didn’t know, so I played the dog-baby-boat game with the front door of the office until I had clean teeth.

  Instead of real-life riddles, I’m going to keep a list of all the places you can go with infants in New York when you’re not yet back to work but don’t want to stay home.

  1. pediatrician!
  2. Prospect Park
  3. Brooklyn Bridge walk
  4. the Met, MoMA, more museums…
  5. morning movies
  6. baby yoga
  7. lunch out
  8. Central Park zoo
  9. sailing on the Hudson
  10. Ellis Island before the tourists get here
  
  

• How To: Hug a Baby

  Jun 30, 2008 tagged as baby, dog, hugging, video

  Convenient tutorial for any of you who may have forgotten the proper baby-hugging protocol.

  (via Eric)