Jessica Alfieri

writes everything you see here.

• How Not To: Spend Your Anniversary

  Aug 20, 2008 tagged as anniversary, Eric, Italian
  1. Maintain regular schedule and go to Italian class
  2. Get out at 9:00 pm, hungry
  3. Eat an entire Chipotle burrito bowl (of which you usually save at least half) at 10:00 pm
  4. Lie on the couch in pain while watching gymnasts twist and twirl
  5. Half-sleep until 1:30 and go to bed, celebrationless

  (Friday is hereby designated Second Anniversary 2.0)

  
  

• Sono scrittrice.

  Aug 4, 2008 tagged as Italian, Price is Right, writing

  For the first time in more than six years, I have to compose a set of words, type and double space them, and submit them for a grade.  Of course, I suppose it’s another (more important?) kind of grading I receive every time I submit words for money, but they’re usually not double spaced.

  Anyway, my Italian assignment options are to a) talk about your average day, from waking up to falling asleep; b) describe your favorite vacation; or c) invent a story based on one of six cheesy photos included in the lesson.  Length: one page.

  Photos include:

  1. a desperate-looking man with a 70s-era mustache staring at us woefully from behind bars;
  2. a couple that seems to be ringing in the New Year, dressed in drunken black tie (=untied) as she ruffles his hair and feeds him champagne; and
  3. a group of ladies who lunch, laughing with their mouths wide open, with the subtitle, “L’Inglese ha fatto spese” (=The English[women] shopped.)  Insert wild laughter.

  So I didn’t really love the photo options, and I’m definitely not going to bore our instructor with another one of twenty stories I know he’ll have to read: “I woke up at 7:30, brushed my teeth, went to the gym, took a shower, ate some cereal, went to work…”

  I imagine him reading all these compositions, repeating the words that we mostly already know how to say, which he probably mastered as a five year old, on and on until he takes a fork to his eye.

  So I’m choosing option c-1.  A story about something else.  After all, sono scrittrice.  (“I am a female writer.”)

  Sure, I’ll have more crazy-wrong phrasing and use grammar in a way that will probably create a brand new tense, but at least it won’t be boring.

  Right, so now I have to actually do it… and the rest of my work.  I’ll post whatever I come up with tonight.

  Unless you want to do it for me.  Italian-speakers, come on down!

  
  

• Leonardo Dalessandri

  Jul 28, 2008 tagged as Italian, Monday, video

  Thanks to this video (by this guy), Monday morning doesn’t seem so bad right now.

  
  Lip Dub – Tambureddu HD from Leonardo Dalessandri on Vimeo.

  
  

• How To: Talk in Italy

  Jun 30, 2008 tagged as Italian, Italy, phrases, summer, vacation

  It’s summer, and I know you want to go away, so why not Italy?  (Yes, I’m trying to live vicariously.) Here are some useful phrases for your trip:

  Seriously, I’m from Canada.
  è veramente, sono di Canada.

  Yeah, I agree, the Americans should definitely elect Obama.
  Sono d’accordo, gli Americani dovrei scegliere Obama.

  That pizza was awesome, man.
  Questa pizza è stato fantastico!

  Where can we get some weed?
  Dove possiamo prendere qualche marijuana?

  No, I swear, I thought he was a woman.
  Lo giuro! Ho pensato che lui è una donna.

  I lied before. I’m from New York.
  Ho mentito prima. Sono di New York.

  I need the American Consulate.
  Ho bisogno andare al consolato americano.

  No, you can’t send me back to Canada.  Look, this is an American passport!
  Non puoi mi rimpatriare in Canada.  Guarda, c’è un passaporto americano.

  Wow, it looks like you’re planning an eventful trip. I think I’m glad I’m staying home.