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Umami*
The following excerpt is from James Parker’s short piece about SpongeBob SquarePants in the June Atlantic, which was a very fun thing to read and also contains the happiest turn of phrase** I’ve read in months.
Contained in this nine-minute skit is the complete DNA of SpongeBob’s rise to power. His industrial ardor, his outrageous spatula skills, the terrible, idiotic brightness of his eyes. The atmosphere at the Krusty Krab has the monochrome tint of a Gen X workplace satire, a Clerks or an Office Space; Mr. Krabs cackles over his money, while Squidward, the tentacled sourpuss at the register, droops with ennui. But SpongeBob’s professional life is rainbow-colored. More than an adventure, it is a romance. “What is taking you so long?!” complains Squidward, head through the hatch, in an episode called “The Original Fry Cook.” “I’m adding the love!” says SpongeBob happily, squirting a little valentine of ketchup onto his latest Krabby Patty. Take that, Karl Marx!
*My husband would say that this title is a great example of Jessica Humor – in other words, non-jokes that are not really humorous (to anyone but me). I really like ketchup, or more specifically, Heinz ketchup, which contains the perfect amount of umami (the magic savory-tasting stuff) which makes Heinz kind of addictive and which also makes other ketchups suck in comparison. Anyway, now you can see that this is only mildly related to the subject above, and had I not taken the time to bore you with an explanation, you would’ve been all “Umami, wtf?” -End Jessicism-
**”…squirting a little valentine of ketchup…”