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Skeebo
Clothes and accessories: I love a good orange on you. Skin: I’m sorry, but you can’t pull it off.
I just saw a guy with deep orange arms, neck, and head (and some self-inflicted baldness).
And when your entire body looks like your thumb after slamming it in the car door (a swollen purpley-reddish-orange) you’ve got a problem. It’s an obviously unnatural blend. And the net effect makes it appear that you just emerged from the makeup department on the set of a 60s sci-fi flick… you’re an alien from Star Trek. Or an Oompa Loompa.
For years, I did this to myself, trying to enhance my natural color, with self-tanners (which stained my clothes and blocked my sweat glands), tanning beds (which always made me smell like popcorn), and spray tans (which made me smell like something much, much worse than popcorn).
And the result was always a new, more spectacularly orange me.
When the fact of the matter is I’m spectacularly white. Some days, almost clear. (I have the prettiest veins on the block, people.)
It still pisses me off that I roast in the sun in a matter of minutes, even with 50 spf and a giant, floppy hat. (Hi, people-with-decent-melanin-levels, I’m a little jealous.) But I’ve stopped trying to look like someone else (and smell like something else).
So my message to the orange bald guy and everyone else trying so hard to be something they’re not: embrace your natural color, whatever it is. And start wearing your own skin.
